Home
by Final Countdown
Summary: A situation for a Stelena reunion. Oneshot.


The rain poured down on me, but I barely noticed it. It was impossible for me to get sick and strangely enough, the cold, wet drops helped me to keep my thoughts together. That was necessary, because my frustration had been driving me crazy for the past three days. How did it get this far, dammit? How could I have been so fucking blind?  
>It was a strange sensation, this sudden feeling of insight. I still didn't quite understand where it came from, how it happened, or why it happened <em>now<em>, because I had been perfectly blind to the truth for about two years, but none of that mattered. The only thing that mattered, was that I now _understood_. It seemed like the fog in my head was finally gone, so that I could think clearly again. About my life, about the poor choices I made and about how I wanted to go on from here.  
>Though I didn't really have to think about that last part, I already knew how I wanted to go on. I knew with <em>who<em> I wanted to go on. The frustration that was eating away at me, was rooted in the fear that everything was too messed up now to make my dearest wish, the only wish I ever really had, come true. So much had happened, so many things had been said and done that could not be taken back. So many fights, so much pain. I wouldn't blame him if he didn't want me back. Hell, I wouldn't want me back, either.  
>I stopped, panting lightly, and lifted my face up to the sky. A flash of lightning ripped apart the clouds, painfully bright to my eyes, but I didn't look down. The thunderclap that followed drowned out the sound of my ringtone, but I could feel my phone vibrate against my leg and I reached for it, without thinking.<br>It was Damon.  
>I sighed, but answered. "I did not change my mind, Damon."<br>"Elena, come on, how can everything suddenly be different? How does that make sense?" he growled, but I knew him well enough to pick up on the pain in his voice, not hidden well enough behind the anger and frustration.  
>"Nothing is different," I said calmly. "Everything is the way it always has been, except that I finally understand now. I love you, Damon, I do, and we had an amazing time together, but I don't belong with you. Being with you means fighting constantly, with everything, and I'm so tired…"<br>"It's going to be better," he promised. "Elena, I need you. Please give us another change…"  
>"No," I whispered, feeling how the desperation in his voice cut like a knife through my heart. "I don't want to be with you just because it makes you feel better, when it makes me feel miserable. I don't like the person I am when I'm around you. I don't want to be that person. I want to be <em>me<em>, Damon, and that will never happen if I wake up in your bed every morning. Please understand."  
>"What's going on?"<br>I could barely make out the words, but I recognized his voice immediately and it made my heart skip a beat. How could I have believed that I didn't want to be with him anymore? How could I have ever been so convinced that Stefan was my past, not my future?  
>"I have to go," I murmured quickly. I hung up the phone and put it back in my pocket. The panting had worsened, even though I hadn't moved for at least five minutes. How did I manage to mess up this badly?<p>

-

I had always liked rain. It was comforting. The soft tapping on the windows, the way it smelled, the way colors always seemed extra bright as soon as the sun showed up again.  
>Today, it drove me insane. I felt caged, restless, and nothing could soothe the agitation that was raging inside of me. I tried blood, I tried food, I drank half a bottle of whisky to see if it would help me calm down, but nothing worked.<br>_She said she doesn't want this anymore. She said she's tired of fighting and that she doesn't like the person she's become because of me. She said she wants to find herself again. It's over, Stefan.  
><em>My heart was bleeding for Damon. Of course it was. The only thing I ever wanted, was to see my big brother happy, and I knew Elena had made him insanely happy. But at the same time, I felt… hopeful. About my own situation. I knew it was stupid, I knew it was best to just stay as far away from Elena Gilbert as possible, but it wasn't that simple. Elena was the love of my life and she would always be. It wasn't the first time she and Damon split up, but it was the first time she used this as the reason for their break-up. It was very likely that they wouldn't get past this, that she wouldn't run back to him, and I couldn't help it, I _had_ to think about what this meant for me. About what could happen if she didn't just find herself again, but also the love she once had for me. About what that would do to Damon… Though now I had to be taking it too far. Why would she want me back? There was no reason to assume that. And yet at the same time, I found myself reminiscing about the time when I got to call Elena Gilbert _mine_. I found myself thinking about what I would do if she would ever want me back.  
>After about a half an hour of fretting about all of it, I jumped up and headed out the door, into the rain. I didn't bother bringing a coat or an umbrella, I could handle being wet. I didn't know how long I roamed around, but when I finally started to pay attention to where I was again, I found that I was on Whitmore campus. The same college Elena had been attending to for the past two years. I had never been there before, I didn't think college was that interesting and for obvious reasons, I never felt the need to be around Elena. But now my feet just took me here automatically and I stood still on the grass, looking at the building I assumed the students stayed in.<br>"Stefan?"  
>Her soft voice startled me, even though I immediately knew it was her. My entire being responded to that voice and I turned around before I even knew what was happening. "Elena," I breathed.<br>God, she looked amazing. Apparently I wasn't the only one who went for a walk in the rain, because she was about as soaking wet as I was. Her hair was stuck to her face and her shirt locked around her body in a way that did more to me than I cared to admit. A raindrop rested on her lips and fell, when the corners over mouth curled up into one of her amazing smiles.  
>"What are you doing here?"<br>"I don't know," I had to admit. "I don't know why I'm here. I don't even know how I got here."  
>After two endless second, she took a step towards me. "But I'm glad you are…"<p>

-

I held my breath, unable to stop looking at him. He was here. It almost seemed as if all of my prayers, all of my obsessive thinking about him, lured him here, so I could finally tell him what I had wanted to tell him for years – I just never realized it before. The water was dripping from his hair and his clothes stuck to his body, so I could spy a hint of his abs. I wanted to take bite. I wanted to rip off that shirt and make him mine again.  
>I took a deep breath. "Stefan, I…"<br>He raised his hand and I fell silent. "Is it true?" he asked softly.  
>I didn't need to ask what he meant by that. "Yes."<br>He nodded, but his lips stayed firmly pressed together.  
>For a moment that made me feel uneasy, but then I continued. "I miss you. I'm sorry, Stefan. Everything that happened… I was lost and confused and I didn't know what I felt and for who I felt it. I know an apology doesn't make up for any of it, but I'm so sorry…"<br>I didn't know what I expected him to do, but I did know that what he did surprised me. Anger flared up in his gorgeous green eyes and his muscles tightened. "I can't fucking believe you," he hissed.  
>Startled, I took a step back. "What?"<br>"You're fucking unbelievable! Not even a day after I found the courage to do what you didn't seem to be able to do, you crawled into bed with Damon. At least now you found the strength to wait three days, three whole days, before you decided to come after me again. Do you think that's fucking normal? What the hell is wrong with you, Elena?"  
>I bit my lower lip until I could taste my blood, with tears in my eyes. Of course I suspected he wouldn't want to give me another chance, but nothing had prepared me for the cold anger in his eyes. "I'm sorry," I repeated desperately. "I know this is wrong, I know it was wrong then, too, but you can't just leave out the circumstances. Stefan, I feel like I spent the past two years living under a rock. Nothing felt real, everything was blurry, everything was changed. I know I behaved like a monster, but I didn't do it because I <em>liked<em> it. I did it because it felt like there was no other option." In a pleading gesture, I showed him the palms of my hands. "I love you, Stefan, I've always loved you, please tell me you know that…"  
>He let go of some of the tension, but the look in his eyes was still colder than usual. "Yes, I know that," he admitted. "But you can't expect me to just leave everything that happened behind us. To just forgive and forget because you happened to have a hard time. I had a hard time, too, Elena. How am I even supposed to ever trust you again?"<br>His words hurt, but I didn't flinch. I had it coming. I knew I would have to work my ass off to win back Stefan's trust and respect. "You can," I breathed. "And I have the rest of eternity to convince you."  
>For about three seconds he seemed to think about what I said, but then the look in his eyes hardened again. "I have to go," he mumbled, shaking his head, and he turned around.<br>One tear escaped and made his way down my cheek, but I didn't move. I had eternity to win him back, so I could let him go now.  
>After a few steps, Stefan held still and I could see his shoulders tense. One heartbeat later he was right in front of me, his hands resting on my cheeks and his eyes locked on mine. He was so close I could feel his breath on my skin. "Dammit, Elena," I heard him whisper, and then his lips were pressed fiercely on mine.<br>Everything ceased to exist. There was no more rain, no more frustration, no more pain, I couldn't feel the earth beneath my feet anymore. Nothing still felt real, except for Stefan's lips on mine and the feeling of his skin underneath my fingertips. This was about us and we'd deal with the world later.  
>I was home.<p> 


End file.
